By definition, “work” is the exertion of energy. Most people describe their work as something they do because they need the money that it provides. Even the lucky few who LIKE their jobs still describe their days as draining. But do we have to experience our work as something that depletes us?
Today, I had the insight that in fact, work can be something that fills us up! I have a 15-month-old daughter that I watch full time, and I have just begun working as a full-time nanny for a younger baby. Two babies have needs, and quite often these needs happen at the same time, in conflicting ways (for example, one needing to be cuddled + bottle fed while the other starts to poop and needs to go to the potty right away)! It would be understandable if I described my days as “toiling away”. But thankfully, I have been remembering the insights described in my post about Concious Parenting and have been able to do what needs to be done while at the same time resting in peaceful surrender. Looking into the cosmic eyes of these two beautiful babies, I did not feel like my energy was being depleted today. In fact, I felt like they were both lifting me up– giving me MORE than I had started with.
I once met a woman named Ammachi (who is known as the “hugging saint” because she spends every moment of her life traveling the world to embrace everyone she comes across with warm, loving, maternal hugs). People line up by the thousands to receive her hugs, and some wonder why it doesn’t seem to drain her. Instead, she seems even more ecstatically giving as time goes on, and everyone who comes in contact with her seems to be able to feel this joy penetrating every corner of the room. Perhaps the people that she gives hugs to are lifting her up as well. Perhaps real GIVING is something that does not deplete us, and in fact leaves us feeling more full.
I’m happy that my income-producing work is something that I’ve realized I can do in this way. Giving (and thus receiving) love. Accepting what is happening in the moment with complete surrender + joy. This is my job. What do YOU do?
Ever since I got pregnant, I have been having a severe problem getting enough B12 (to the point of severe bruising + constant dizziness/fatigue). Supplements don’t do the trick for me, and even eating meat doesn’t help unless I eat a LOT of it. I reluctantly gave up being vegan and went straight for the most efficient + plentiful source of B12: BEEF LIVER. The only problem is that I hate liver! The smell, the taste, the concept… it all = eww. But it gives me so much energy and makes me feel amazingly healthy, not to mention dramatically increases my breast-milk production, and is CHEAP! So I’ve been searching for a way to eat it without having to hold my breath the whole time, and I believe I’ve found it at last.
This is a liver recipe that is actually edible. Dare I say… DELICIOUS? It is suitable for a main course, even when you’re having company over! I would eat it in a house and I would eat it with a mouse, and I would eat it here or there. Say, I would eat it ANYWHERE!
I adapted it from this Indian masala recipe, taking out the sugar and just making it a little easier for the lazy/busy people out there (like me). The spices don’t have to be these exact measurements– feel free to play around and substitute!
1 pound grass-fed beef liver
2 medium-sized onions (chopped)
2 tsp garlic powder
2 cups cooked + strained lentils
1 tbsp ginger
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
6-8 tbsp oil (I used homemade chicken schmaltz)
salt to taste
– Boil the liver in salted water till it is almost tender (10-15min)
– At the same time, cook all other ingredients (except for the lentils) in a covered frying pan on medium heat.
– Drain the liver and cut into tiny slices.
– Add the liver and lentils to the pan.
– Lower heat and simmer uncovered, about half an hour.
– Prepare to be amazed!
COOKING TIME = 45min.
SERVING SIZE = 6-8 servings
I wanted a haggadah with less dogma, and more meaningful/interactive stuff. I liked bits + pieces of several haggadot, so I decided to put together my own. I used a lot from Rachel Barenblat’s (“Velveteen Rabbi”) haggadah, and a lot of it I wrote myself. I left space for my family to decorate with crayons. Feel free to use some (or all) of this haggadah for your own Passover seder!
It begins with:
“Passover is the Jewish springtime festival: a time for renewal, returning, and rebirth. A Passover seder is a ritual feast in which we take time to fully experience each new taste we encounter, and (much like in a Japanese tea ceremony) everything is done purposefully, with awareness.”
Here is my haggadah for your downloading pleasure!
I came across this article about a woman attacking a painting by Paul Gauguin at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., while screaming “THIS IS EEEEVIL!” The woman was clearly delusional, as she was also claiming to be in the CIA and have a radio in her head.
My first thought was that if my artwork was violently attacked by schizophrenics, I would feel flattered. Then I remembered that something like this actually happened to me once. Not by schizophrenics, but by a wrathful ex-lover who burned a painting of mine and left a fragment of it in my mailbox. The feelings I had at the time were mixed: Sadness that this person was trying to hurt me, but also excitement about the new experience of something I created suddenly not existing anymore. I held the fragment in my hand and knew that what I had to do was give it new life– let it be reborn after being burned, like a phoenix rising up from the ashes.
I glued it onto a new canvas and turned it into the painting below, depicting the tower of Babel. I picked the “Babel” theme, alluding to miscommunication + humans trying to connect but just being a little off so they can’t understand each other.
Now that I’m married and have a baby attached to me 24/7, the drama in my life is of a much different flavor. I sometimes miss the freedom I had as a wandering young traveler, but right now I am reminded of the sorts of craziness that go along with it and appreciating where I am now.
I wanted to have a healthy protein-rich snack that I could easily eat while out on adventures with the baby (and that she can eat too, without getting crud all over her clothes). Protein bars seemed like the way to go, but packaged stuff is all made from horrible ingredients, or overpriced. I decided to look up a recipe for gluten-free/sugar-free protein bars, figuring I could probably just make my own bars for cheap… and couldn’t find ANY decent recipes!
So I made my own…
I picked buckwheat groats (kasha) as the base ingredient, because it is gluten-free and has many health benefits. I used peanut butter as my protein source, but any nut butter could be used. For extra protein, you could also add stuff like nuts, seeds, flax, etc. I didn’t use sweeteners, but you certainly could if you wanted to, and I added a suggested measurement to the recipe for those who would find that helpful. You could also add all sorts of fun additional flavors like: cocoa powder/nibs, coconut flakes, nuts, seeds, dried fruit, cinnamon, vanilla, etc…
Chewy Kasha Protein Bars
prep time: 15min. cook time: 25 min.
serving size: makes about 20 3″x3″ squares
– 3 cups kasha (buckwheat groats)
– 1 cup almond milk, coconut milk, or water
– 1 cup peanut butter or other nut butter (cashew, almond, etc)
– 1/2 cup flax seeds
– 1 tbsp butter or coconut oil (optional)
– 1 tbsp agave or juice concentrate (optional)
– pinch salt
– fun additional flavors like: cocoa powder/nibs, coconut flakes, nuts, seeds, dried fruit, cinnamon, vanilla, etc. (optional)
1. Bring the water/milk, flax seeds, and 2 cups of the kasha to a near boil (save 1 cup of dry kasha for later). Add the butter or oil. Reduce heat and cook until thick (about 10 minutes).
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large mixing bowl, combine the cooked kasha with the remaining 1 cup of dry kasha, and all the other ingredients.
3. Spread the dough evenly on a 12″x16″ well-greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes. Cut into bars or squares when cooled.
I have a fantasy of becoming a fully observant Jew, following all the “rules” in a way that is meaningful, bringing awareness into every action I take, and dressing the part (covered hair and all). I like this idea partly because I think it is sexy, partly because I have a perverse sense of humor, and partly because I imagine that living that way actually WOULD be extremely fulfilling emotionally + spiritually.
Sometimes I think that what’s stopping me is that the main people in my life aren’t observant whatsoever. I end up doing things like going out on Friday night with friends because I don’t want to miss out on the fun. I end up cooking my step-son breakfast on Saturday morning because he’s only with us on the weekends and I don’t want him to think of me as some weirdly religious evil step-mom who refuses him hot breakfasts. I don’t like the idea of hanging out with my alternative progressive feminist friends and them looking at me like I’m a loser while asking “so… WHY are you wearing that scarf thing on your head?”. I picture my husband in the background rolling his eyes while I attempt to dress modestly, making comments like “Hey but aren’t you that chick that I met on a commune, skinny-dipping and insisting we be polyamorous? Isn’t this a little out of character for you? Aren’t you just playing dress-up?”
And he’d be right. It would be totally weird for me to cover my hair out of “modesty”, because I don’t really get the whole modesty thing. I pretty much prefer to be naked or wearing a bright multicolored tutu and fairy wings at all times. I don’t see nakedness as inherently sexual or something that needs to be hidden. I’d also have a lot of problems with other Orthodox viewpoints (on subjects like gay marriage, gender roles, etc).
Because of my alternative/radical views on most subjects, I end up doing “Jewish stuff” with the more “open-minded” Jewish crowd. But my problem with that is that these groups are often small, unorganized, meet irregularly, and are less observant than me (with everyone driving on the Sabbath to go get more bacon-wrapped shrimp). I want to find a temple that feels like a home, and a group to worship with that feels like a family. Reform Synagogues feel too watered-down + “churchy” to me. I want the prayers to be in Hebrew. I want the people to be REALLY REALLY INTO IT and not just waiting around or reading along together in monotone voices. I feel like the passion is being hoarded by the ultra-Orthodox folks, and that I’m way too weird to hang out with them. When will I reach the end of my Blind Melon video and find my tribe of skinny-dipping rainbow-haired Orthodox Jewish chicks??
I realized today that the problem is that I have been imagining that there is only ONE correct way of being observant. I often think of the orthodox folks as having some sort of “magical authority” over what Judaism “IS”. But I also really like the quote “I practice my religion exactly the same way my ancestors did: I make it up as I go!”. I find absolutely nothing wrong with changing rituals to make them more meaningful to me. So now what I have to do is start being more observant, in a way that works for me, in a way that MEANS something to me. I will start by keeping the Sabbath EVERY week. I’m not sure what that means yet… but I am excited to find out!